what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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