People in love make me want to vomit
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize