I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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