I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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