Kareoke will never be a sober sport
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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