is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
