then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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