you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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