What a fucking waste of an outfit
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
