I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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