bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
