There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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