I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
