Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
