If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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