Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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