cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
wow bdsm is so cute
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
