My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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