Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
