his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
