i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
