plz talk dirty to me
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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