i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
