A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
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