shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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