They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
