He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
