We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
