I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
