Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
