he wants to bone in the snuggie
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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