I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
