That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
What a dumb baby whore.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
