Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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