Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
