the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
