Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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