Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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