i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
