I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
