Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
