I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
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Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
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I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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