Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think my fart just growled at me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
