2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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