She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
