ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think my fart just growled at me.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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