you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
