I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Of course I have a pirate flag
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
