i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
