Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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