Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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