Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
