Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
