look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I intend to get homeless drunk
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
