I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I fill condoms, not promises.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
