he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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