honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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