Got a toothbrush?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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