the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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