literally had 100 drinks last night.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
