did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
